How to Give a Fantastic Massage (Without Breaking Your Thumbs or Your Relationship)

Let’s face it—everyone loves a good massage. But getting in to see your favorite massage therapist (hey, that’s me!) isn’t always in the cards. Life happens. Schedules clash. Or maybe your body is begging for relief at 9:30 PM on a Tuesday.

In those moments, knowing how to give your partner a decent at-home massage can turn a rough day into a better one. Good news? It’s not that hard. Here are some tips to help you channel your inner massage therapist—without pretending you went to school for it.

---

1. Use firm pressure… not death grip pressure.

Let’s clear up a common myth: harder doesn’t mean better. You’re not kneading sourdough. If your partner is smaller than you, you might be tempted to barely touch them. But too-light pressure can be more ticklish than helpful.

On the flip side, don’t go full WWE wrestler on them either. If they’re clenching their jaw just to power through, it’s not helping. Massage should feel good, not like a trust exercise gone wrong.

---

2. Slow it waaaaay down.

Unless your partner is gearing up for a sprint or salsa competition, fast-paced strokes aren’t what they need.

Move slowly. Breathe. Let each stroke settle. When you’re relaxed, they’ll relax too. Trust me—speed is not your friend here.

---

3. If you find a bone, move along.

Here’s a quick rule: bones = off-limits for pressure.

You don’t need to memorize anatomy charts, just use common sense. If it sticks out—knees, elbows, ribs, spines—it’s probably not meant to be mashed. Either skim gently over it or reroute.

(Yes, massage therapists really do call them "bony landmarks," like a very squishy topographical map.)

---

4. Don’t wreck your own body.

If your back is aching or your thumbs feel like they’re on fire halfway through, something’s off. Good body mechanics matter.

Use your body weight, not just your arm strength. Push instead of pull. Move your whole body around the table—or couch, or bed—so you’re not twisting yourself into a pretzel.

Your joints will thank you later.

---

5. Talk it out.

Massage is not a psychic activity. Ask your partner how things feel.

Too much pressure? Not enough? Do they want more time on the shoulders and less on the arms?

Also, check in with yourself. If you’re getting tired or need a break, say so. A good massage should leave both of you feeling better, not just one of you pretending you're fine while your wrists file a complaint.

---

6. Borrow from the pros.

You don’t need to reinvent the massage wheel. Watch some tutorials (YouTube is full of ‘em), book a professional session (hi again!), or take a couples massage class together.

You’ll pick up a ton just by observing someone who’s been doing this for a while.

---

Bottom line? You got this.

No one’s expecting you to win a gold medal in massage. But if you can show up, take your time, avoid injuries (yours and theirs), and focus on connection and care, you’re doing great.

And if you need a little extra help (or want to hand things off to someone with two decades of experience and zero tolerance for gimmicks), I’m just a booking away.

---

About the Author

Corey Richason is a licensed massage therapist with over 20 years of hands-on experience. He runs Vital Kneads Massage, where he helps active adults in Surprise, AZ, move better, feel stronger, and stress less. With a deep respect for evidence-based practices, a touch of humor, and a no-fluff approach, Corey blends sports massage and deep tissue work to deliver real results.

When he’s not working out the knots, he’s probably wondering if he turned off the towel warmer. www.vitalkneads.net

---